What is a Soul Mate?

A few days ago, I was asked if I believe in soul mates. It got me to wondering if we even understand what soul mates truly are. Is it simply a definition of how we feel about someone, or does it go way beyond that?

According to Dictionary.com a soul mate or soulmate is "one of two persons compatible with each other in disposition, point of view, or sensitivity." However, Thesaurus.com states the definition to be "one's true love" and lists several synonyms, including the following:

• confidante
• companion
• friend
• heart's desire
• helpmate
• kindred soul
• kindred spirit
• one's promised
• partner
• true love
• alter ego

So it would seem that there are many different ways to define soul mates, and I fear that the true definition has been grossly exaggerated. To so many in the world today, the phrase 'soul mate' conjures so many images from in-numerous movie theaters and romance novels. It has become the unattainable...the love of fairy tales and long since broken dreams.

In looking at this closely in the last couple of days, I have come to realize something. This looks familiar. I remember sitting in a hair salon with my mother back in my home town. Salons are interesting places to go, and I love having to wait for half an hour. It means I get to thumb through magazines that I would never buy. My parents would never have bought these magazines for me either, and I am glad they did not. No, I am not talking about porn. I am referring to things like Seventeen and Us Magazine. Those magazines that delve deep into the lives of our celebrities and fashion. I say that I am glad they did not buy them for me, not because I believe them to be bad publications, but rather because they, with the help of technology, seem surreal. Women everywhere find themselves completely taken in by the idea that they are fat simply because they cannot fit into a size 6 or smaller. Someone with amazing Photoshop skills decided that the actress was just too big in that dress...let's trim her down to size in the photo and get her on a treadmill STAT!! In other words, many of the sizes are not what they seem...they are nearly unattainable unless one is starving or getting dangerously close to doing so. Have we done this with the idea of soul mates? The idea of love? Have we shown men and women everywhere the exaggerated copies of it on film and in books only to teach them that these are 'fairy tales' and can never be for real? As though truth is not good enough for us.

In a way, we are right. We cannot have the over-embellished version of a soul mate. Even the kindest of men and the most nurturing women would have to be fake in order to pull this off. No one needs to be fake. So what is a soul mate and how do we attain one?

There are those who believe that soul mates are easily found. "Just take this quiz, and you will discover the one true love of your life! Trust us." There are websites promising to match you with people based on compatibility and so on and so forth. The problem with that is that so many people are fake online, even when they're trying to be real. They're trying to be interesting and are bored/desperate, so suddenly, they like the idea of walking on the beach at sunset... Sure, they may have done it before, and they probably enjoyed it. But this is likely more of a sign they need a refreshing vacation before diving into a relationship. That said, I am not knocking finding 'true love' online, and believe that it can definitely happen. But what about the rest of us?

I have a new list of 'old sayings'. They are actually very cliche quotes that everyone hears even though they don't want to. "Just wait. The right one will come along." "You will know when you meet them." The list continues. Interestingly enough, no one really focuses on what to do if you're dating someone else that you just happen to be 'in love' with when you meet the one. No one wants to talk about the icky confusion that ensues there. So the popular question becomes, "How do I know that they are the one?" I cannot give any answers here for honesty's sake because all the answers given would be cliche and would not really answer the question at all. There is no exactly right answer for this. There is no formula. We all have to take a step into the world around us and find that person within the things we enjoy.

So what is a true soul mate? For years, I would never have been able to answer. But it is now my belief that while it is not strictly referring to lovers, it is what you make of it. Do you want passion? Then be passionate. Somewhere out there, someone else will join you. They might become a lifelong friend, or even more than a friend. Find what is most important to you in your own life, and others will follow your lead, or perhaps you will find others to follow with. There are many different types of soul mates in each of our lives. We just have to open our eyes and see them for what they are.