Musical Memoirs: Episode 8 - "Dear X (You Don't Own Me)"

Recently a friend (Stacy) dared me to review Dear X: You Don't Own Me  by a well-known band called Disciple. 



"Dear pain, oh, it’s been a long time

Remember when you were holding me tight
I would stay awake with you all night
Dear shame, I was safe in your arms
You were there when it all fell apart
I would get so lost in your beautiful lies


I let you go
But you’re still chasing


Go ahead, you’re never gonna take me
You can bend, but you’re never gonna break me
I was yours; I’m not yours anymore
Oh, you don’t own me


Dear hate, I know you’re not far
You would wait at the door of my heart
I was amazed at the passion in your cries
Dear anger, you make me so high
You were faithful to show up on time
Such a flame that was burning in your eyes

I let you go
But you’re still chasing


Go ahead, you’re never gonna take me
You can bend, but you’re never gonna break me
I was yours; I’m not yours anymore
Oh, you don’t own me
Go ahead, put a target on my forehead
You can fire, but you got no bullets
I was yours; I’m not yours anymore
Oh, you don’t own me


It’s tempting me to look back
But everything that we had together was a lie


Go ahead, you’re never gonna take me
You can bend, but you’re never gonna break me
I was yours; I’m not yours anymore
Oh, you don’t own me
Go ahead, put a target on my forehead
You can fire, but you got no bullets
I was yours; I’m not yours anymore
Oh, you don’t own me"

Let me start off by saying that I love the violin sound on this one, they did a great job on the beginning and ending of it.  I find this to be a 'neat' song, though I must say that at this particular point in my life, I cannot fully relate to it.  Please allow me to look back through the pages of time and my past for this one.  Not that I'm old or anything, haha.

One of the things that I really look for in songs is the why.  Why was this song written, what was the author of the lyrics feeling or going through when they came up with these words, and why did they mean so much that they just had to put them to music.  This is what I consider to be a double-faceted song.  It talks about one thing in so many words to the point that it could mean more than one thing, so I went looking for information on what it was all about.  Here is what I found:



Okay... what he said?  No, no, I'm afraid I cannot leave it at that.  Let me just say that to begin with, I "got saved", "accepted Christ as my Savior" and all that other lingo when I was six years old.  So to be honest, there is a part of me that has to disagree with him saying that he was a "slave" to things like anger and hate and shame and so forth.  I never truly experienced spiritual slavery outside of instances and situations where I can honestly look back at those times and say that I put myself there.  I enslaved myself.  I believe that we always have a choice as to what we are enslaved to, it is just a matter of picking and choosing what or who that is.  For instance, I may decide to get angry tonight over something silly.  It will be childish, petty, and perhaps even selfish of me to do so.  Ere go, I will have made a decision to be those things.  I'm not a slave to those attitudes, but rather to my own desires.  For those who are Bible readers, you should know that it says that no man can serve two masters.  There is also a passage where Paul refers to himself as the bondservant of Christ.  So to recap, I believe each of us is a slave to something or someone, but that we choose what or who that will be.

As far as comparing those desires and attitudes to a "psycho ex-girl/boyfriend," again, I may have a bit of trouble relating.  I've dated a few guys prior to my husband, and to be honest, the most "psycho" any of them ever got was the amount of pain and heartache they caused or helped to cause.  None of them have continuously called me up or anything of that nature, and I've only really stayed in contact with two of them.  I don't think I'm they psycho-ex either (at least I hope not).  I have had a friend once who became a psycho-ex-friend, but we won't get into that. 

I'm not going to spend a lot of time going over this line by line, but I did want to point out one thing:

"Go ahead, you’re never gonna take me

You can bend, but you’re never gonna break me
I was yours; I’m not yours anymore
Oh, you don’t own me
Go ahead, put a target on my forehead
You can fire, but you got no bullets
I was yours; I’m not yours anymore
Oh, you don’t own me"

These words really caught my ears as well as my eyes.  While I have stated my personal beliefs in an above paragraph, I do want to add that, yes, we are enslaved.  We need to allow ourselves to grow and change in and through Christ.  There are certainly times when we struggle, and we all need to be careful that we do not allow ourselves to become those slaves again.  There are many things we can become enslaved to, so be careful out there. 

I wanted to take a moment to look more in-depth at the psycho-ex factor here, as well.  As I have said, I have never truly had a psycho-ex.  But I have loved and lost many many times.  I lost to the passing of people and I've lost to those who just used me up and walked away.  At times, I have (embarrasedly) been quite the sucker for bad relationships where things would seem just fine, and then they'd go all wrong.  Complete transparency here: I have spent YEARS looking back over those relationships and thinking and wondering, only to end up right back where everyone told me I was in the beginning - these guys just weren't right for me.  None of them were "Mr. Right" or "the one".  Not being right for one another created so many problems, I refuse to even begin to scratch the surface here.  Today, I am happy to report that it is apparent that some of these men have become much happier in better arrangements with people who are better for them than I was.  There are times when I still struggle with the memories of the time spent with those guys...  I struggle because there are things that -- while best left unresolved between myself and them -- I still must resolve within myself.  I am a work in progress, and I am satisfied that way.  So maybe I don't have a psycho-ex... but I do have psycho-memories.  I'm sure many of you know the difficult challenges of waiting for "the other shoe to drop" when you've dated a person who mistreated you, only later to find someone better for you (who maybe still isn't the one) but who you always expect to be that last person.  Know that you are not alone.  Know that things will be ok.  And give it to God.  Enslave it -- forever -- to Him.  I can't promise it won't come knocking on your heart's door again, but enslaving it to Him gives you power over it.  But only because you allow it. 

Looking forward to the comments.