So... it's been an amazing week...despite a few hardships along the way. One thing that I don't think I really mentioned in my last post here was that about a week and a half ago, I got served... I am in debt and I've tried to stay in touch with the creditors, but they would not listen to me...so now they're taking me to court over it. It scared me very much and I panicked. Mainly I panicked because I had chosen not to tell my parents about my debt. They found out because the police were so kind as to leave the notice hanging from their doorknob when I wasn't home... So I had to explain it to my parents. And they don't really understand why I didn't tell them. For the record, I was aware of some debt that they were in before that I was unsure if they had gotten out of yet. On top of that, my mom is kind of a worry-wart... I didn't say anything because there was nothing that they could do for me financially and I didn't want my mother or my father worrying about something they couldn't help. So they found out... And suddenly, my dad pretty much quit talking to me unless I spoke to him first. My mom has been short with me a lot lately because I don't seem to be trying to find a job at the speed she would like me to. So, I've pretty much decided bankruptcy is the best option for me right now... To anyone who reads this, please keep me in your prayers, and if you already are, thank you so much.
Now, for the good parts of this week... I have a new boyfriend, and I am so excited about that because...well... It's been a long few months. I've been hurting and depressed a lot. I've felt pretty hopeless the past few weeks because I have come to the harsh realization that boyfriends cannot "heal" that kind of pain... They can only be a true friend to you in the process of it and THAT is what heals it. I get healed because of the knowledge that people are there for me all the time and that they're not going anywhere as a friend... And this realization... has freed me to an extent. It has freed me in that because I realized it, it opened up the door for God to give me a new boyfriend, one who is a true friend. One that I don't have to ask, "are you gonna be there for me when I need to talk...even if I'm venting...?" I don't have to ask, because I already know the answer. The answer is "yes". God opened up the door for a new boyfriend because He knew it would make me happy...He knew that I needed one more friend to be there for me. My realization merely gave Him the opportunity to show me that He can heal me through a friend who is also a boyfriend...not because he is my boyfriend, but because he is simply a friend to boot.
I am so happy right now that I can't really describe it. All I know is that I'm free... I feel more free on a personal level than I've ever felt before. That's a big deal to me considering the song I wrote a couple of weeks ago. I just wanted to be free...and didn't know how to get there...now I can see...
TRANSFORMATIONS
by Laura M. Bennett
Born of the desires of man
Brought to life in the darkness
Enter the false prophesying
Learn the heartbroken lies of the dying
World around you, little girl
But I fight to be free from the pain
I cry out to the God who brought me here
Screaming for the ones who want a chance
Stabbing my heart for those who cannot dance
Free me, free me from this cocoon
I need air to breathe from You
Free me, free me from this cocoon
I want to be able to believe I can fly to You
Strain to stretch my wings
Try to break these chains that tie me
Fracture the shell holding my true self in
Let the light of His love in
Struggle, fight, battle the binding with all my might
And this time I will succeed
I will be liberated from the mundane
Life I lead before I go insane
Capture the moment as I flee
Free me, free me from this cocoon
I need air to breathe from You
Free me, free me from this cocoon
I want to be able to believe I can fly to You
Beauty for my ashes
Charred remains of my fate
Scattered across the pages
Of a life once in chains…
Free me, free me from this cocoon
I need air to breathe from You
Free me, free me from this cocoon
I want to be able to believe I can fly to You.
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