Thought Collecting

So this week has pretty much sucked majorly. I really don't want to rehash all of it at this point just because it involves a few other people, and on top of that, I'm just plain tired of it.

My friend accidentally started some drama between me, her, and a former friend of mine who she still is friends with. It was an accident due to miscommunication to me on her part...but I am not entirely innocent either...none of the three of us are. Drama is so stupid, but it's around us 24/7. I told my friend, "Drama is the world we live in..." No matter what we want or think we need, we cannot run away from it. I am tired of running. I am bored of crying every time something "bad" happens. I'm also sick of fighting it out to the end... But I still have a need to talk things out until I get it all straightened out in my mind...a full grasp of the situation and the big picture.

It seems like when bad things happen, weird things suddenly become my fault for no reason. All of a sudden...people all around me start screaming in my face that I don't take enough responsibility for my actions. And yet the next time drama rears it's ugly head, I say, "I'm sorry, my bad...I screwed up." And they're like "IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU!!" I wish people would be adults and just shut up until they have thought things out... but as I said earlier, I cannot run, I cannot hide... But neither can I fight...and this is what I'm accustomed to doing. I'm used to fighting it out until the other person's emotions are too bloody and torn to tell them apart from any other random coward on the field. If you want to know how that is accomplished...it's pretty simple. You listen...REALLY listen, and you analyze things to death. Once that's accomplished, the knowledge you gained in the process gives you a new level of wit. Meanwhile, the other person is just so angry that they hurl random empty threats, accusations, etc. without actually thinking about what they're saying. That's what makes a lot of them cowards. Some are too afraid to actually give it thought for fear they will find themselves in the wrong. Others aren't cowards...they just got too over-zealous.

At this point, I'm so confused...because of my usual technique. I'm not used to just walking away. I don't know what to do. How do you walk away when you feel basically trapped by drama in and of itself? How do you bring clarity to a situation when you're not even allowed to talk about it with those involved? And if they truly want you to learn and to change, how can "walking away" possibly be the best way to clarify the situation? You just walked...you didn't learn squat. Basically, you ran away from it...in slow motion. To me...that is almost more terrifying than facing an opponent whom I don't know enough about yet.... Because it's not giving me an opportunity to learn from the mistakes I made, which means it will only happen again...and what if the next person's an even bigger jerk about it by either running away or by attacking me when I have chosen to stop the fight?

To much to think about...system overload...buh-bye for now...